


o captain! our captain!

by nicole_writes



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, But I needed some H/C after that session, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Found Family, Hurt/Comfort, Major Spoilers, Minor hints of Fjord/Jester, Probably to become not canon once Thursday hits, Resurrection, Spoilers for Campaign 2 Episode 98, Temporary/Mentioned Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:13:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23046082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nicole_writes/pseuds/nicole_writes
Summary: For one terrible, horrible moment,Fjord is dead. / death never gets easier
Relationships: Caduceus Clay & Fjord, Fjord & Beauregard Lionett, Fjord & Caleb Widogast, Fjord & Jester Lavorre, Fjord & Nott (Critical Role), Fjord & The Mighty Nein, Fjord & Yasha (Critical Role)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 148





	o captain! our captain!

**Author's Note:**

> Listen episode 98 messed me up. Fjord's my boy, okay? So here, this wrote itself in like an hour and a half and I figured I would share. It's unedited so read at your own risk.

_caduceus_

It’s cold and raining and Caduceus’s hair is sticking to his face.

Jester beats him to Fjord’s side and Caleb and Beau were already there. Yasha and Veth follow, but Caduceus just pushes the wizard aside so that he can kneel on the wet wood. Jester is across from him, already digging through her satchel for a diamond. Her cheeks are wet with both rain and tears as she shakes, trying to pull out the precious gem. 

Dimly, Caduceus notes his own eyes are warm and he reaches for his own diamond. Jester pries her free of the pockets of her haversack before Caduceus does and she holds it out over Fjord’s still chest and _hesitates_. When she looks at Caduceus, there’s an edge of fear in her eyes as her lower lip trembles. 

“Caduceus,” she whimpers quietly. “What if my power isn’t enough?”

Caduceus knows that she’s scared. He takes out his own diamond and gently pushes Jester’s hands away. “Then help me,” he says gently. “Help us.”

Jester sniffs hard and rubs her hand across her nose. She places the diamond back into a pocket in her bag and places one hand on Fjord’s chest below were Caduceus holds the diamond and one hand along the side of his face. 

Caduceus presses the diamond against the skin of Fjord’s chest. Their friend’s shirt is bloodied and cut-up and barely there and Caduceus presses the diamond _hard_ into Fjord’s flesh. He closes his eyes and he reaches out to the ocean cradling the boat and to the winds across the sea and he calls to the Wildmother. 

_He is one of yours now too, Mother,_ Caduceus thinks. _Protect him as you have protected me._

He inhales and he casts Revivify. The diamond shatters under his touch and Caduceus opens his eyes. The dust glitters in the air around them for a moment, shimmering and glistening above Fjord and Caduceus and Jester. It starts to stick to Fjord’s skin, collecting in places where he is particularly bloody or rain-soaked. 

Caduceus feels a pull in his stomach and he leans into it, letting the spell draw from him what it needs. It draws on his faith and his friendship and his love for his friend. The spell hums through his fingertips and the gem dust starts to glow in shimmers of green and blue and pink and purple. Caduceus closes his eyes again and reaches into the deepest parts of his soul. 

_Wildmother, I have served you faithfully. I have brought him into your light and I have guided him thus far. Let me have more time to help him. Let me have more chances to see him grow. I want to see him grow._

Caduceus lends his heart to his prayer and, finally, he feels the telling warmth spread from his fingers into his friend. He opens his eyes, his ears falling flat against his head in a last, lingering bout of worry as he waits. The gems glitter before they fade into Fjord’s skin as it knits beneath them. 

Fjord’s chest fills with air sharply and _he breathes_. 

Across from him, Jester gasps and trembles with relief, her hands cupping Fjord’s face as she stares at him. Caduceus waits patiently, but even after three seconds of breathing, Fjord’s eyes stay closed. 

A warm feeling brushes the back of his neck, and on the wind, he hears her voice.

_I brought him back, but those blows went to his soul. He will need time. Well done my child._

Caduceus touches Jester’s wrist. “He is alive. He just needs to rest now.”

Jester slips one of her hands into his, turning her eyes to meet his. “Thank you, Caduceus.”

\- ~ -

_yasha_

Caduceus and Jester bring him back. He was gone for less than a minute and Yasha can still feel the blood searing through her ears in the aftermath of her rage. One of her hands is still clutching the hilt of her Skingourger so tightly her knuckles are white. She feels like lightning is crawling in her veins and she still wants to strike out at the monsters who hurt her friends.

Still, he is breathing now, even if it is hard to see past the pouring rain and the darkness of the early morning. Caduceus looks up at her as if he can feel the burn of her gaze and he stands, stepping back from Fjord. 

“Can we bring him inside?” the firbolg asks in his gentle, rumbling voice. 

Yasha doesn’t hesitate to move forward and kneel next to her friend. Jester hasn’t moved and is still staring at Fjord’s face like she expects him to open his eyes. 

“Jester,” Yasha says quietly. “I’ve got him.” 

Jester tenses, but she looks at Yasha. She must see something in Yasha’s expression because she slowly retracts her hands. Then, halfway through the motion, her breath catches and Jester scrambles to her feet. 

“Orly!” she cries out. 

Yasha watches her scramble across the deck to Orly, ripping out her diamond and beginning a second ritual, with none of the hesitation she showed with Fjord. Yasha looks back down at Fjord and reaches out, sliding an arm across the wet, bloody wood under his shoulder. With a grunt, she pulls him up and manages to get him positioned well-enough over her shoulder so that she can carry him. 

Fjord is not extremely buff, but his orcish heritage means he is not small by any means. She stands slowly so she doesn’t jostle him. He keeps breathing and his heart keeps beating as she walks slowly with him across the deck, headed for his cabin. She doesn’t wait to see the results of Jester’s spell for Orly. She just wants to get Fjord out of the rain and somewhere where they can rest. 

“I almost killed you once,” she says to Fjord’s unconscious form as she walks. “I still regret that.”

She has not forgotten the image of her blade cutting into Fjord’s body back when Obann had infiltrated her mind. She has not forgotten almost striking down Beau either. She knows she was not there when Caduceus died or when Nott died and she blames herself for that. She knows that she was not there for Mollymauk when he died. She did not even see Zuala die.

She watched every horrid second of those filthy sea creatures spearing her friend. 

“We have seen too much death already,” she continues as she finally reaches the entrance to the captain’s quarters. “Surely this peaceful operation we are on cannot see this as the end.”

She has to duck to enter the room and she is careful not to bash Fjord against the doorframe either. The window facing the ocean by his bed is shattered and there is glass littering the bed. The sheets themselves are bloody too and Yasha notes that whatever had attacked them must have come after Fjord when he was alone and defenceless. 

She is about to place him down so that she can clear off the bed when Beau slips past her into the room, taking care of it for her. Beau strips the mattress of its sheets efficiently, leaving it bare, but clear of glass and Yasha lowers Fjord down to the bed. She places him on his back and stands over him for a moment, just watching him breathe.

\- ~ -

_veth_

Yasha carries Fjord away by herself. Beau hesitates for only a second before she follows, trailing by a few feet. Veth turns away from the stained wood of the deck where Fjord was killed and looks to Jester.

The diamond dust of the second Revivify ritual of the night is settling on Orly’s body and Veth walks over to catch the very end of the ritual. She has seen Jester do this spell before and she has also been on the receiving end of the spell. The cleric has her eyes closed and her fingers are still glowing green as the spell fades. 

Thankfully, it seems to take as Orly’s chest rises slowly and the old tortle cracks open his good eye, squinting up at them through the rain. Jester leans back a little and places her trembling hands into her lap as she smiles down at Orly. Veth touches Jester’s shoulder reassuringly. 

“You did it,” she says quietly. 

Jester nods. “I did.”

Marius and Gallan moved forward to help support Orly. Veth tugged on Jester’s arm, pulling her back so that the crew had space to take care of their navigator. Jester followed and Veth gripped her hand, escorting her back toward the main mast where Caleb and Caduceus were still standing. 

The rest of the crew seems to have gathered on the deck and are exchanging nervous looks as they study the remains of the battle. Veth looks around and notices that neither Beau or Yasha have re-emerged from the captain’s quarters. Caduceus has his eyes closed and his face tilted up to the sky and is probably praying to the Wildmother. Caleb is scanning the horizon with a tense, alert gaze. 

There is no one to attend to the crew, Veth realizes and she swallows. She straightens her shoulders. “I’m the powder monkey,” she mutters to herself before she turns to face some of the startled crewmen. “Listen up! I want this boat back on track and cleaned up. Get some people below deck to sort out the cannons and stuff and I want this ship back up and moving with the rest of the fleet.”

The crew gives her an awkward salute-nod gesture before they scatter madly to take on their duties. From across the deck, where he has limped to, Orly nods to her and Veth exhales with relief. Marius takes Orly below deck and then Gallan joins the rest of the crew as they move ropes and shift crates and get the ship moving back at full speed. 

“That was impressive, Veth,” Jester says softly. 

Veth shrugs. “Someone needed to do it and if Captain and First Mate aren’t going to, it might as well be me, right?”

“You did good, my friend,” Caleb agrees. He surveys the ship once again. “I think we are okay for now, but perhaps I should place my alarm in Fjord’s room just in case.” 

“That might be good,” Caduceus agrees without opening his eyes. 

Veth nods shortly. “Yes. Now, I want to get out of these wet clothes and get some more sleep. I’m exhausted.”

“I don’t know if I can sleep,” Jester mumbles weakly. 

Veth looks at her. Jester looks tired and sad and as crushed as she did when she learned that Molly was dead after the Iron Shephards. Something motherly and warm in Veth’s heart ached and she reached for Jester’s hand again. 

“Come on Miss Lavorre, we can try together. We’ll feel better when we’re warm and dry. Maybe after a bit we can trade-off with Beau and Yasha to keep watch over Fjord.”

That idea seems to appease Jester and Veth pulls her towards the lower decks. She takes one last moment to survey the dark skies before she heads down the stairs. 

“At least this one wasn’t my fault,” she murmurs to herself.

\- ~ -

_caleb_

Caleb can still feel the Disintegrate spell tingling in his fingertips. He knows that it can’t be what he’s feeling, but somehow it is. Maybe it’s just adrenaline because he’s so tired of watching his friends die.

If he closes his eyes he can see his house burning. He can see Lorenzo’s glaive piercing Molly’s chest. He can see the glazed look in Caduceus’s eyes after his body was rocked by Nott’s exploding arrow. He can see the slack features of Nott herself after she triggered the trap in Halas’s Happy Fun Ball. 

He had been too far to see the emotion in Fjord’s eyes when he had died, but he had heard him cry out and had seen the pain in his body clear enough. And he had seen the sword that had done him in: a curved sword covered in barnacles. It is enough to make his shoulders tighten with discomfort, especially given the conversation he had had with Fjord just recently. 

Their half-orc friend had seemed so light and relaxed recently and he had admitted to feeling more at ease now that he was in the welcome embrace of the Wildmother rather than the suffocating grasp of Uk’otoa. 

Caleb is smart. He knows that the reason those fish-monsters attacked the ship and went after Fjord specifically is tied deeply to the broken pact between Uk’otoa and Fjord. He knows what it is like to have a background that sinks claws into you and _won’t let go_. It is entirely too likely that whatever happened tonight was more than just a simple act of revenge: the beast attempting to steal Fjord’s body had cemented that thought. 

After Veth rallies the crew of the Ball-Eater, Caleb follows after Beau and Yasha to Fjord’s residence in the captain’s quarters. He hears Yasha’s quiet voice as he approaches and then Beau’s rougher retort, but he can’t pick up on their words over the storm that rages on around them. He taps his knuckles against the door to announce his arrival before he enters the room. 

He slides into the room which, despite the grandeur of the cabin, feels almost too small with the two women plus himself and the unconscious captain of their ship. Yasha nods to him as he enters and steps outside the door to give him more space, but he notices she seems determined to post-up directly outside the door. He doesn’t mind. Yasha is strong and if her presence deters any more assaults against their friend, he welcomes it.

Beau is standing at the foot of Fjord’s bed, watching his chest rise and fall with her arms folded over her chest. She’s bleeding from a cut on her cheekbone, but her jaw is set and she doesn’t seem to be moving anytime soon. 

“He would not want you to stare blankly at him like that forever,” Caleb says when Beau doesn’t even acknowledge him. 

He sets to work setting up his Alarm spell, stringing the fine silver thread across the doorway and the windows to the captain’s cabin. He reaches over Fjord’s bed to string it around the broken window when Beau finally shifts so that she is not in his way. 

“I’m his First Mate,” Beau says tersely, as if that explains everything. 

“And he is not the first of us to die,” Caleb replies. “We will simply have to see to it that he is the last.”

Beau looks at him, the darkness in her gaze haunting. “How can you say things like that with such conviction?”

Caleb sighs deeply and closes his eyes. “I say it because I do not know if I am strong enough to go through this again so I do not want to consider it.”

\- ~ -

_beau_

Caleb leaves after he sets the spell up around the outside of Fjord’s room. Beau stays mostly because she doesn’t know what else to do. She knows she should probably go deal with the crew. She is the First Mate and the captain is out of commission, but she can’t bring herself to leave him lying defenceless and still on his bed.

He is alive, she reminds herself when she watches his chest rise and fall. Still, she feels uneasy. The cold fear that had gripped her when she had watched him fall from the crow’s nest has not subsided. She had had a brief moment of levity when Caduceus had cast Healing Word, but then she had been powerless to stop it when the ocean-spawn-monster-thing had used that horrid sword to cut into her captain again and _kill him_.

The screams of the monsters are still lingering in her ears and she can vividly remember how her muscles had tensed up in reply. She had taken the poison damage from the spines without flinching thanks to her ki, but the stun had caused every muscle in her body to tighten to a point of petrification where she couldn’t do _anything_.

It is a horribly poetic feeling to how many monsters and people she herself has stunned using techniques she learned from the Cobalt Soul. It is made even worse by the fact that when she tried to return the favour, the monster had hissed in her face and shaken her off like nothing was wrong at all. 

When Fjord had gone down, all she had seen was Mollymauk lying in the dirt on the Glory Run Road spitting blood at Lorenzo. Fjord had not even been given the justice of one last act of rebellion and something about watching the sword had made her tattoo, the one with the all-seeing eye, _burn_ against the back of her neck. 

Beau sits in the desk chair on the opposite side of the room and rubs the sides of her face. Fjord was, without a doubt, one of the people in their misfit group who she felt closest too, so it was terrifying to consider the group and whatever future they faced without him. He was good at people and Beau wasn’t and she _loved him, damnit_. 

“I know you’re alive now, you idiot,” she mutters, “but I’m not doing another Mollymauk. I can’t do that again and Caleb can’t and Yasha can’t and Jester can’t. We’re not doing this without you, Fjord.”

Across the room, Fjord’s breath hitches and Beau shoots to her feet, crossing the room in three panicked strides. By the time she reaches him, his breathing has evened out already and she can even see the tips of his growing tusks as he exhales through his mouth. Her heart rate is elevated and her nerves are wound so tightly she feels like she’s going to burst. 

Beau sighs. “Damn, Fjord. We already sorted your shit out, why does it all have to come back now?”

She turns away from him and wipes at her eyes which, to her annoyance, are wet with salty tears. She hates crying. It makes her feel like a scared, rough-around-the-edges teen again who had run away from a monastery she’d been shipped off to by her abusive father. It makes her feel like the scared girl who had mercilessly clobbered the monster in the face after it killed her friend. 

It makes her feel as cold as she did the day that they buried Mollymauk on the side of the road after she stole all his stuff. 

Beau glances back at Fjord. He’s still sleeping and unmoving. “I’ll take care of you, Captain. I’ll take care of all of them,” she vows. “No more death, no more losing people.”

\- ~ -

_jester_

She tries to sleep. She really does. She and Veth had curled up on Jester’s big bed together after stripping out of their soaked clothes into something warmer.

Jester keeps reliving the moment where that thing had killed Fjord. 

Fjord, her first real-life friend. Fjord who had never questioned her or doubted her or left her behind through everything. Fjord who had faced down the gripping evils of a patron for their group and had tossed his only source of power into the lava of a kiln to be free of it. _Fjord who had told her she looked pretty in Nicodranas._

She relieves the moment where she threw herself to his side over and over again. Her hands had fumbled over things in her bag until she’d found her diamond, but then she couldn’t even cast the spell. She says a prayer to the Traveler that they have Caduceus and the Wildmother because they were the ones who brought Fjord back, not Jester and her archfey-sort-of-god. 

The prayer to the Traveler makes her feel a bit dirty. She hadn’t cast the spell because she had been so dreadfully afraid of messing it up. She hadn’t even considered the fact that she has already used Revivify twice successfully. She had just felt a horrible, unshakeable fear that this time, the Traveler wasn’t going to be enough. He isn’t even a real god. 

Jester frowns and sits up in the bed. Veth doesn’t stir beside her and Jester can’t feel the Traveler’s presence like she normally can. Maybe he can sense her stress and is just giving her some space. She knew her god-patron-whatever didn’t like Fjord and she knew that Fjord was worried about the Traveler. So, she had panicked and Caduceus had had to take over. 

Her palms are warm and a bit sweaty as she swings her legs over the edge of the bed. It creaks softly, but Veth just shifts and keeps on sleeping. She reasons to herself that even if she just goes to see that he’s still breathing, she’ll feel better. She knows that healing isn’t an easy process, especially when it’s healing from literally being dead, but she’s still worried about the fact that he hadn’t woken up.

Jester creeps upstairs, mindful of the crew who seem to have filed back to their beds after getting the ship back in working order. Caduceus and Caleb aren’t on deck anymore. There’s someone manning the helm of the boat and a figure up in the crow’s nest keeping watch. Yasha is still standing just outside the door to Fjord’s room. 

Jester approaches shyly and wrings her hands in front of her. “Is he okay?”

Yasha’s multi-coloured eyes are soft when she nods. “Caleb set an alarm and Beau’s in there right now. Do you want to see him?”

Jester nods. “I feel like it will help. I’m just so worried something will go wrong.” She wiggles her fingers. “Plus, maybe I can give him another healing spell or two to speed him along.”

Yasha nods and Jester slips past her into the room. Immediately, she sees Fjord lying on his back with his chest moving in a steady rise and fall as he breathes. Beau is seated at the desk across the room, leaning back on two legs with her feet propped on the desk. She drops the chair down when Jester enters. 

“You okay, Jes?”

Jester nods, letting her gaze go back to Fjord. “I just wanted to check on him.”

“I’ll give you a minute,” Beau says and makes for the door, slipping past her and squeezing her shoulder briefly before she’s gone. 

Jester moves and sits on the edges of the bed next to Fjord. She brushes her fingers along his forehead, moving his still-damp hair out of his eyes. She swallows the lump in her throat as she watches him. She had lost him and she is still so terrified of losing him. 

She lets her hands glow with a low levelled Cure Wounds and watches as the warm glow sinks into his forehead where she touches him. She sniffs slightly and lifts her hands to wipe at her nose. She had been so afraid and even now, she’s still scared.

“Be okay, Oskar,” she whispers to him.

\- ~ -

_fjord_

Someone is humming. The sound is melodic and gentle and it makes him feel safer than he has felt in a long, long time. Fjord tries to focus on the sound, but there’s a dull ringing in his ears that makes it hard to make out.

It’s here when he notices that his chest hurts and his limbs feel weighed down. His lungs are tight and it feels like drowning all over again. He tries to force his arms to move so that he can swim only for him to realize he can’t move his arms. The feeling is dizzying and he realizes that he is in his own head. 

_Wake up, child_ , a voice says suddenly. The voice is without gender and yet it is soft and feels like home. He knows, suddenly and without a doubt, that this is the Wildmother. 

_I died_ , he remembers. _I’m dead_. 

_Of course not, my child. They’re calling for you and all you have to do is go to them,_ the Wildmother answers plainly. 

Calling? Fjord spreads his consciousness and tries to reach for his friends, searching for them in the blank abyss that is his mind in whatever state he is in. The only thing he hears and feels is the quiet, gentle humming he heard before. 

It’s familiar to him. He focuses more intently on it and is suddenly standing at the party in Nicodranas next to Beau as he listens to Marion sing. The sound is close, and similar, and pulls at something deep in his chest, but it’s not quite right. 

He dismisses the memory, searching further for the sound he hears. Something close to Marion’s voice, but not quite. In a moment of clarity, he hears the laughter of his friends and, most notably, the lilting singing voice of one Jester Lavorre. 

_There she is_ , the Wildmother urges. _She’s calling for you. Caduceus brought you back and the rest of them have built their protections around you, but she is calling for you._

“Can I go?” he says and the words feel real in his mouth like he has physically said something. 

_I am not your jailor, I am your guardian. I will follow where you lead._

Fjord reaches for Jester’s voice. He reaches for the memories of Caleb and Beau and Yasha and Caduceus and Veth and he pulls on them as hard as he can. The pain in his chest intensifies until it is crippling and he seizes it, pulling even harder.

\- ~ -

He wakes suddenly and without glamour. He starts on the bed, jolting against the bare mattress and the gentle touch at his forehead. He blinks at the ceiling as it comes into view and his head tips to the right until he can see Jester where she is sitting on the edge of the bed, combing her fingers through his hair.

She tenses when their eyes meet and her hand drifts down his face until her fingertips brush along the top of his cheekbones. She stops humming and swallows tensely. Fjord breathes and just watches her face. 

She was beautiful in Nicodranas when they were all dressed up for the party, but she has never looked more radiant than she does here, bathed in the faint glow of the lantern that burns on the desk behind her. 

“You came back,” she says quietly. The words are shy and careful, but they seem to give Fjord the air he needs to breathe and he gives her a tiny smile in response. 

“I’ll always come back,” he says. _As long as you let me_ , he adds for the Wildmother. 

Warmth curls in his chest and across his palm and Jester cups his face and smiles at him. He feels safe here, with her, because he knows she will watch over him and he has come to understand that the Wildmother will not let him go so easily either. 

“Go back to sleep, Fjord. Death is pretty exhausting,” Jester says. 

He doesn’t have the strength to protest as his eyes slip shut and he falls asleep feeling safer than he has felt in a long, _long_ time.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed and, as always, I'm on [Tumblr](https://nicolewrites.tumblr.com/) if you want to yell at me or just see my liveblogs when I get the chance to do them. 
> 
> Take care of yourselves Critters <3


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